Day 22- stress eating & preparing for the week to come

My day (Monday 2/1/10) -
Have a very stressful week coming up. I am trying to steel myself for it. Today is a no-school day for our district, so I have all the kids home again. Tomorrow, I have lots of errands to run & it is my only day to do it. Then, Wednesday my son goes up to Shriners Hospital to see if he needs to schedule surgery again (will be his seventh, he is 6 years old). Then, on Thursday, my husband has surgery. It is a pretty minor thing but because they have to cut through a large muscle to get where they are going, he has to go to the hospital to do it. He will then be off for the rest of the week & the following week. ugh

Friday is traveling again, as usual, down south for a visit. Tonight is a visit too but here in town. My granddaughter is in our care as a foster child as my oldest daughter (20) is very mentally ill. I am getting nervous as the date for the permanency hearing is fast approaching. I am so unsure of what the state will do with our granddaughter (give her to her mother - they removed her at birth, so she has never really"had" her to raise yet) or leave her with us so that we may adopt her (we have had her since she was a week old, she is now almost 8 mos). Another reason I am trying to lose some serious weight so I don't look like an elephant in a suit next time we go to court.

My teenage daughter is getting ready to finish her GED next week, start work, and go to community college (she is 16, but skipping high school...I can't really explain why, because I don't know, but she is being responsible about it). So, this week she is out looking for jobs. I hope it isn't as bad out there as I hear!

So, for a stress-eater like me, this is a serious test of my eating plan!!! Lots of being out of my comfort zone (and it is funny that Tyler wrote about this just today in his blog), away from home, traveling, health issues with family members, etc etc etc. I am going to have to redouble my efforts to stay on track this week.

Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
**NEW** Mini Goal: STAY OFF THE SCALE UNTIL WEIGH-IN DAY!
Mini Goal: take my thyroid meds more regularly!

Food:
-bowl of HN cheerios cereal & milk (275)
-Luna "Cookie" (130)
-sandwich (300) -W bread, LC cheese, ham, tomato
-FF tapioca pudding (80)
-RK treat (90)
-crackers, LC cheese, tomato (210)
-orange (86)
-Full bites (150)
-big salad with light dressing & almonds (180)
-LC meal (220)
-skinny cow ice cream (150)

total diet cokes today: 2
Calories:...1871

Daily Calorie Requirements: 2,579

500 calorie deficit: 2079
700 calorie deficit: 1879 (means "goal" ~10 months sooner!)

workout:
Well, I think I have recovered from my "work outs" this last week. It is funny, there is this post exertion fatigue (and pain!) with fibromyalgia that is kind of a self-perpetuating cycle. You don't do too much because you feel exhausted for days after, but you don't do much, so you are tired & out of shape. It is a tough cycle to break out of. You have to know just how much you can do without pushing yourself too far. I certainly cannot work out like a lot of people I read about...what is this SHRED stuff anyway??! That would put me down for a month!

However, now that I am feeling better, I have gotten a lot of work done that has been neglected in the past several days. Lots of cleaning, paperwork, work-work, etc. I know I must have burned SOME calories with that. And, I guess burning calories getting something constructive done is better than just cruisin' on the elliptic machine. I think that I will try to go for more walks. That does not tire me out as much.

Water:
50 oz

Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
When I got up this morning at 4:30 with the baby, I think I ended up eating a rice krispie treat (that is not logged with yesterdays food). I dont really remember too well. But I know I ate something. But, so far, no bowls of kiddie cereal in the middle of the night for weeks now. That is amazing!

Until tomorrow,
Two

day fifteen & "before" pictures

My day (Monday 1/25/10) -So, last night was pretty hard. The baby would not sleep and was up & down until 3:30 am. I ended up eating (in addition to yesterday's food already posted" about 250 more cals. Not bad, considering, but I was doing so well yesterday. Well, hopefully this won't be an every night occurrence, but you never know with babies. She has become such a light sleeper! But, other than that, today has not been too bad so far. I am tired. I am not getting much done around the house. But, I worked out & ate like I needed. So, pretty good.


Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
Mini Goal: more water!
Mini Goal: take my thyroid meds more regularly!

Food:
-bowl of HN cheerios cereal & milk (275)
-Quaker oats bkfst bar (175)
-smart ones meal (250)
-crackers, LC cheese, tomato (100)
-FF tapico pudding (80)
-Luna Cookie (140)
-full bites (150)
-big salad with light dressing & almonds (200)
-LC meal (320)
-skinny cow ice cream sandwich (150)

total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...1840 (spot on!)

Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day

500 calorie deficit: 2079
700 calorie deficit: 1879 (means "goal" ~10 months sooner!)

workout:
18 minutes on elliptical (finally got a good workout playlist. Will post tomorrow if anyone is interested)

Water:
working on that...probably 20 oz today

Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
Ok, here are the pictures of my hugeness! OMG! This is why I didn't want to take them. It is HARD to post these! This is after 2 weeks & a loss of 7 pounds. I know I am actually smaller than I was 2 weeks ago, since my pants are fitting looser.

I have to add one explanation, however...that gut? While, yes, it is F-A-T, it is also stretched WAY out my 5 VERY LARGE babies over the past 20+ years. The last being over 11#. Not to mention the C-section, hysterectomy, and other abdominal surgeries I have had don't help with muscle tone! So, not sure how much of the flat stomach I used to have I can reclaim without the help of some very expensive surgery!

It is really tough to post these picks and makes me feel like all is hopeless. I worry about losing weight & still having all this skin! I guess I cross that bridge when I come to it. Save up for surgery, or try to get my insurance to pay for part (because it causes medical problems....but that's TMI!).

and, no, I am not leaning forward in this pic ---> ...that IS my butt!

Day 14 - working out @ night/weight prejudice & medical field

My day (Sunday 1/24/10) -SO, working out last night was not that great of an idea. It was good to work out. However, most the time I try to work out at night, I can't sleep. So I was up until 3:30am, trying not to eat! I ate about 10 melba toast rounds (about 115 cal) but that is about it. Now I am dead tired today! --- and my butt is sore! Wondering if anyone else has this same issue (working out at night keeping them up). I used to be able to go to the gym at 10pm, workout for an hour or so, shower & go to sleep @ midnight & wake up the next day fine. But...I guess getting old sucks!

Also, found a new "Full" product to eat before dinner: full bites - they sell them at my grocery store now....the cheddar ones are really good! You eat them and drink a glass of water and, for me, they work pretty well. and last most of the evening (which is one of my worst times).


Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
Mini Goal: more water!
Mini Goal: take my thyroid meds more regularly!


Food:
-bowl of cereal & milk (275)
-crackers & LC cheese (95)
-1/2 LC lasagne (145)
-green beans w/almonds & tiny bit of EVOO (50)
-chicken leg, baked (275)
-RK square (90)
-full bites (150)
-big salad w/ light dressing (180)
-LC dinner (320)
-skinny cow ice cream (140)

total diet cokes today: 2
Calories:...1720

Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day

500 calorie deficit: 2079
700 calorie deficit: 1879 (means "goal" ~10 months sooner!)

workout:
none today.

Water:
20 oz (10 cal) vitamin water + 20 oz water

Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
tomorrow I WILL take pics & post them...that will be my "confession" for the day. I have been avoiding it because I don't want to see them :(



Also, I keep meaning to share this great article about weight prejudice & the medical field:

The surprising reason why being overweight isn't healthy

"It's shocking, but it's true: Being a woman who's more than 20 pounds overweight may actually hike your risk of getting poor medical treatment. In fact, weighing too much can have surprising -- and devastating -- health repercussions beyond the usual diabetes and heart-health concerns you've heard about for years....." (read more)

until tomorrow,
Two

day twelve - A New Discovery: Full Bars

OK, here is my day (Friday 1/22/10) - OK, starting with a clean slate today. Yesterday got progressively worse. But, instead of it being an excuse to just say "screw it!" I am just letting it go & heading into today.

So, tried something new today: Both my husband and I had a full bar before dinner. Both of us have a hard time with nighttime eating. And, I have to say, it worked pretty good. I ate dinner 3 hours ago and I still feel very full! My husband didn't even finish his dinner (which is a miracle!). I was skeptical, but they work pretty good. Now that I can buy then at the store (for about $1.50 rather than from an infomercial) I think I might try them out.



Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
Mini Goal: more water!


Food:
-bowl of cereal & milk (275)
-bagel (plain) (300) - those darn bagels! grrrr
-lots o' chicken (baked) 1 thigh & 3 wings (553)
-RK treat (180)
-bar (100)
-full bar (100)
-Chicken (baked) (153)
-big salad w/ light dressing (180)
-brussel sprouts (100)
-lg orange (86)

total diet cokes today: 2
Calories:...2027
Damn good day, I say!

Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day

If I eat 500 calories less is than that, it is: 2079...
Which is what I need to try for each day.

workout:
None. fought off a migraine after the drive today. But will work out tomorrow for sure.

Water:
12 oz (working on it!) I am going to drink more right now! :)

Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
Hmmmm....what to write today? I guess I can talk about sweet/salty binges. One of the cravings I have is for sweets. But after a while, it gets to much. But if I eat something salty, I can then go back to eating sweets. I seem to need to continue to eat them even after my body is telling me: "blech! Enough sweets already!" - Some how the salty/savory foods enable me to eat even more sweets.


until tomorrow,
Two

Day seven...one whole week!

OK, here is my day (Sunday 1/17/10) - Two issues have come up since my last posting that I realize are barriers in losing weight:

1) Insomnia: comes with the fybromyalgia territory. But when I am up like I was last night (until 4:30 am) I end up eating. I didn't really have a full-on binge...mostly things like rice cakes, LF crackers, one pc of candy....I can't remember all of it. I had taken some lunesta (and then some more) so, it is a bit fuzzy. But I do remember thinking: "well, I am going over my cal limit for the day, but it is not too bad to do it with 20 mini rice cakes and some melba toast"

2) Irritability (more aptly: MAJOR bitchiness!). One of the reasons I think that some of us eat too many simple carbs is (DUH!) it makes us feel good! Meaning that maybe we didn't feel so good in the first place. There has been some suggestion that low carb diets lead to depression (see this article for an example). Now, I am NOT on a low carb diet, but cutting my calories means cutting my carb consumption drastically.

However, I have also struggled with depression most of my life; and whenever I diet, it is worse - whether I am on meds or not. Sure, we all get a little grumpy when we can't have what we want. But I am talking about being so irritable that I am afraid I might attack someone who looks at me wrong in the grocery store!

There are ups and downs. But the past few days have been rough. I am on celexa, but have added some 5HTP supplements to my routine. Hopefully, that will help a little. I guess the point is that fat, and weight loss are complex issues. Those of us going through it know it is much more than about will power. Hell, you want to see someone who needs will power? Try running into friends who, the last time they saw you, you weight 100# less than you do now. Takes all my will power to not say "oh, I am sorry, you must be mistaking me for someone else"!



Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Mini Goal: more water!


Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (240)
-snack of crackers, laughing cow cheese, and veggies (195)
-honey wheat berry bread (160)
-ham (70)
-melba rounds (50)
-LC cheese (35)
-big salad w/ light dressing & almonds (abt 150)
-lean cuisine sesame chicken (320)
-rice krispie treat (90)
-fudgescicle (40)
-FF tapioca (80)
-rice cakes (100)
-Coc Krispie cereal and milk (270)


total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...1800

Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day

If I eat 500 calories less is than that, it is: 2079...
Which is what I need to try for each day.

workout:
heavy housework

Water:
none

Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
Here's a good one...did not have a great childhood, and food was a huge, dysfunctional issue in my family. When I was tween, I used to have to walk past a grocery store on the way home. A few of us girls would go in there every day and pack our backpacks with candy bars, cookies, and other fattening snacks, and I mean pack them!

We weren't able to pay for these, so part of the thrill was doing something wrong. Then we would meet outside the store and gorge ourselves on the stuff before we went home. I remember that so vividly, and remember that I used to eat SO MUCH of that crap. Probably more than the other girls. I didn't think about my weight. I was NOT fat, but I already thought I was, so I had already given up.



until tomorrow,
Two

Day two

OK, here is my day (Tuesday 1/12/10) - I have been running around half the day. Had to go about an hour down south and do errands/appts in another town. I didn't get back home until 1:00. Then had to pick up kids at 3:00 and start the evening routine. So, not much "me" time today!



However, I have started to think about goals, and set one for myself today: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............



Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (plus the one I had in the middle of the night...see below) at least 240
-two whopper Jrs, no mayo (Nope, no fries) (520 cal)
-snapple dragonfruit vitamin water (130 cal)
-nutrigrain bar, strawberry (140)
-cheddar mini ricecakes (100)
-lg orange (90)
-Daves Killer bread, toasted w/cream cheese (260+100)
-sm rice crispie treat (153)
-big salad w/ light dressing & almonds (abt 150)
-lean cuisine veggie pizza (ok, not great) (320)
-mini rice cakes (80)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories: 2283


UPDATE: 1am. Having lots of problems with nausea. That happens when I eat less...I usually end up eating (mostly carbs) to make it go away. I don't tolerate the feeling well. I know that it probably has something to do with my GERD, and losing weight will lessen that. Wow, vicious circle, eh?

So, I did eat a bagel before "bed" which wasn't really bed since the baby is having a hard time getting to sleep and I have been up with her (she just went to bed -XX- fingers crossed!). But, now I am still stuck with eating or not. Can I sleep with the nausea there? Is it just an excuse to eat something more?


So, after feeling so guilty and trying to figure out if I was eating too much, I decided to go to the Basal Metabolic Rate Calculator and see what I should be eating and figure out the calories above...

Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day

With my caloric intake of 2283 today, the bagel at 288, puts me right at the top of that number. So, no deficit today. I guess today is a wash.


workout:
didn't end up working out today. I think it would have been pushing it for me, with the drive and all today. I ended up having to do a lot of work tonight and my husband was late getting home. But, MUST workout tomorrow...no excuses!

Water:
well, again, need to work on this. Had one vitamin water...and some melted ice in my diet coke at BK :-/

Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
I was disappointed in myself today. I am still doing middle-of-the-night eating - usually cereal. Sometimes I am hungry, but sometimes not. I have developed with habit of getting up and eating cereal (some kiddie crap too, not all bran or anything like that, but you probably guessed that). I did get up sometime in the night last night & have a bowl of cereal. But, after lunch, I seriously wanted a candy bar & did not buy one. So, not perfection, but better...

until tomorrow,
Two