Well, my weight loss has stalled in the past 4 or 5 days. I seem to be eating fine. I am having a lot of stress, and probably having more diet sodas than I should (that seems to slow down WL in some). So, I need to curb that a bit. I just go through periods where, if I drink one more glass of water, I shall just puke! I love vitamin water, but even the "zero" stuff has a total of 8-10 carbs a bottle! Guess I should pull out some of that Crystal Light! I am really going to try to get below 250 before the end of July.
Getting the money together to join the Y. I can't wait, but the money is just not there right now for the yearly fee. I am looking forward to it and working hard every day (at my home business) and hope to see some $$$ coming in soon. The economy has just tanked our sales for the last 9 mos or so. We have really struggled financially. "Dieting" is not cheap!
The good news is that I have not had a bowl of cereal (other than the occasional Glucerna) in a MONTH! That is so HUGE for me. It is one of my binges and compulsive eating behaviors. I haven't had white flour in quite a while too. No candy (other than a couple pieces of sugar free once in a while). It is like everything has changed. I guess having a sister with serious diabetes complications while I was growing up made my diagnosis all the more serious. Too bad I could not have mustered this attitude before the diagnosis, but, it takes what it takes I guess.
Showing posts with label cravings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cravings. Show all posts
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Day 20 ~ I Gotta Feelin' (rough day)
My day (Saturday 1/30/10) -
Well, I lost the fight with the scale this morning. Good news is, I am back down to 253. Maybe if I push the water & workouts, I can get down to 250 monday's weigh-in. Which would be cool! 10# is 3 weeks!?
I have been noticing that I eat about the same thing every day. The only changes, really, are the different lean cuisines (or smart ones) I eat. I don't know. Right now it's working for me. But, I am hoping to branch out soon and start cooking some LF/LC meals. At least that is what I keep telling myself. Right now I am just taking a break from full-on cooking for a little while. Especially with that impersonation of Julia Child I did over the holidays!
Later: It has been a really tough day for me. Today was one of the days my husband had to work and I was home with all the kids, all day. I wasn't really hungry, but I wanted to just eat & eat! I just felt this feeling of restlessness & was uncomfortable...only word that describes it. Not sure what that is about. I used to binge a lot on these days. I am not sure what it is about them that gets to me. The kids were not terribly difficult today.
I found a great paragraph last night in a book I am reading that pretty much hits the nail on the head. The book is called The Fattest Woman in Ireland by Patricia Mees Armstrong. If you would like to read more about the history of this book or about its author (it is quite an interesting story!) you can check out this blog or the website for the book. The author just recently passed away from breast cancer. Below is the paragraph. This takes place well into the book, after the woman is hospitalized and being treated for obesity:
"After each big runny feast's stuck in front o' me on that tray table, meself's left to chew on me thoughts. I hadn't really felt much o' anythin' fer years. I guess mebbe fat numbs yeh. Swellin's leavin' me frame, and me eyes and ears is more alert. Sister Monica had told me once at school that I was stuffin' down more than me food; feelin's was gettin' buried in the early grave o' me body, said she. So, I'm watchin' the rain sideways through the window. I'm Irish. Rain's a habit. Me fat's drainin' out o' me like me own personal rain shower. I'm gettin' bleedin' nervous about me thoughts. I'm thinkin' that bein' hungry's not always about the crisps and chips and mountians o' creamy, sweet trifle." (pp 127-128 The Fattest Woman in Ireland by Patricia Mees Armstrong. (2009). Crane Dance Publications, Eugene, Or.
I read that and was floored. I know all this logically. I used to be a licensed counselor. I have studied psychology and addiction and have been reading books about dieting, eating disorders, and losing weight most of my adult life. And, something like this still hits me in the gut (so to speak).
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
**NEW** Mini Goal: STAY OFF THE SCALE UNTIL WEIGH-IN DAY!
Mini Goal: take my thyroid meds more regularly!
Food:
-bowl of HN cheerios cereal & milk (275)
-Luna Cookie (130)
-melba rounds & LC cheese wedge (70)
-sandwich (300) -W bread, LC cheese, ham, tomato
-orange (86)
-crackers, LC cheese, tomato (105)
-100 cal popcorn (100)
-RK treat (90)
-Full bites (150)
-big salad with light dressing & almonds (140)
-LC meal (330)
-skinny cow ice cream (150)
-even more crackers, LC cheese, tomato (105)
total diet cokes today: 1.5
Calories:...2031
going to bed before I eat any more!!!!
700 calorie deficit: 1879 (means "goal" ~10 months sooner!)
workout:
Man! My legs were so rubbery today, I was only able to do 6 min on the machine. Oy! I am going to try to do some "power" housework this afternoon & hope for some calories burned!
Water:
about 50-60 oz
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
see above
Until tomorrow,
Two
Well, I lost the fight with the scale this morning. Good news is, I am back down to 253. Maybe if I push the water & workouts, I can get down to 250 monday's weigh-in. Which would be cool! 10# is 3 weeks!?
I have been noticing that I eat about the same thing every day. The only changes, really, are the different lean cuisines (or smart ones) I eat. I don't know. Right now it's working for me. But, I am hoping to branch out soon and start cooking some LF/LC meals. At least that is what I keep telling myself. Right now I am just taking a break from full-on cooking for a little while. Especially with that impersonation of Julia Child I did over the holidays!
Later: It has been a really tough day for me. Today was one of the days my husband had to work and I was home with all the kids, all day. I wasn't really hungry, but I wanted to just eat & eat! I just felt this feeling of restlessness & was uncomfortable...only word that describes it. Not sure what that is about. I used to binge a lot on these days. I am not sure what it is about them that gets to me. The kids were not terribly difficult today.
I found a great paragraph last night in a book I am reading that pretty much hits the nail on the head. The book is called The Fattest Woman in Ireland by Patricia Mees Armstrong. If you would like to read more about the history of this book or about its author (it is quite an interesting story!) you can check out this blog or the website for the book. The author just recently passed away from breast cancer. Below is the paragraph. This takes place well into the book, after the woman is hospitalized and being treated for obesity:
"After each big runny feast's stuck in front o' me on that tray table, meself's left to chew on me thoughts. I hadn't really felt much o' anythin' fer years. I guess mebbe fat numbs yeh. Swellin's leavin' me frame, and me eyes and ears is more alert. Sister Monica had told me once at school that I was stuffin' down more than me food; feelin's was gettin' buried in the early grave o' me body, said she. So, I'm watchin' the rain sideways through the window. I'm Irish. Rain's a habit. Me fat's drainin' out o' me like me own personal rain shower. I'm gettin' bleedin' nervous about me thoughts. I'm thinkin' that bein' hungry's not always about the crisps and chips and mountians o' creamy, sweet trifle." (pp 127-128 The Fattest Woman in Ireland by Patricia Mees Armstrong. (2009). Crane Dance Publications, Eugene, Or.
I read that and was floored. I know all this logically. I used to be a licensed counselor. I have studied psychology and addiction and have been reading books about dieting, eating disorders, and losing weight most of my adult life. And, something like this still hits me in the gut (so to speak).
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
**NEW** Mini Goal: STAY OFF THE SCALE UNTIL WEIGH-IN DAY!
Mini Goal: take my thyroid meds more regularly!
Food:
-bowl of HN cheerios cereal & milk (275)
-Luna Cookie (130)
-melba rounds & LC cheese wedge (70)
-sandwich (300) -W bread, LC cheese, ham, tomato
-orange (86)
-crackers, LC cheese, tomato (105)
-100 cal popcorn (100)
-RK treat (90)
-Full bites (150)
-big salad with light dressing & almonds (140)
-LC meal (330)
-skinny cow ice cream (150)
-even more crackers, LC cheese, tomato (105)
total diet cokes today: 1.5
Calories:...2031
going to bed before I eat any more!!!!
Daily Calorie Requirements: 2,579
500 calorie deficit: 2079700 calorie deficit: 1879 (means "goal" ~10 months sooner!)
workout:
Man! My legs were so rubbery today, I was only able to do 6 min on the machine. Oy! I am going to try to do some "power" housework this afternoon & hope for some calories burned!
Water:
about 50-60 oz
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
see above
Until tomorrow,
Two
Thursday, January 21, 2010
day eleven - Ricki Lake article (260 to 130!)
OK, here is my day (Thursday 1/21/10) - I am glad payday isn't until tomorrow, so I wont be going to the grocery store until tomorrow...because I feel a binge right below the surface. I have nothing at home that is really turning me on about binging on it. But, if I go to the store in this state, who knows what I will buy.
I am having some frustrations with the baby. She is seven months now & starting to be very stubborn about naps & eating & going to bed at night. We are having a sort of "battle of the wills." That is stressing me out because I am just too old for it. And, It is hard, sometimes, to be the grandma (and wanting to spoil her like crazy) and at the same time the "mom" (who has to make sure she isn't too spoiled).
LATER: Tonight was BAD. I wouldn't say I "binged" per se, but I did have a snack fest. I probably went up to my daily calorie requirement, if not a little more. But, instead of beating myself up for not writing it all down, I am posting this as is and working on a "clean slate" theory.
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
start again tomorrow!
See above
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...
workout:
LOTS of pain today. No workout.
Water:
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
Again, maybe not a confession, but....I really really loathe my body right now. I feel like a big, fat, pig! Nothing I wear looks good. I look like a "fat lady." My body jiggles when I walk (and NOT in a good way). Everything feels confining. I feel trapped.
Ricki Lake – Half My Size
Ricki Lake used to weight 260 pounds. She conquered her weight issues and went from a size 24 to a size 2.
http://www.bittenandbound.com/2007/12/06/ricki-lake-half-my-size/
http://ifitandhealthy.com/ricki-lake-weight-loss-and-workout/
until tomorrow,
Two
I am having some frustrations with the baby. She is seven months now & starting to be very stubborn about naps & eating & going to bed at night. We are having a sort of "battle of the wills." That is stressing me out because I am just too old for it. And, It is hard, sometimes, to be the grandma (and wanting to spoil her like crazy) and at the same time the "mom" (who has to make sure she isn't too spoiled).
LATER: Tonight was BAD. I wouldn't say I "binged" per se, but I did have a snack fest. I probably went up to my daily calorie requirement, if not a little more. But, instead of beating myself up for not writing it all down, I am posting this as is and working on a "clean slate" theory.
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
start again tomorrow!
See above
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...
Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day
If I eat 500 calories less is than that, it is: 2079...
Which is what I need to try for each day.
Which is what I need to try for each day.
workout:
LOTS of pain today. No workout.
Water:
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
Again, maybe not a confession, but....I really really loathe my body right now. I feel like a big, fat, pig! Nothing I wear looks good. I look like a "fat lady." My body jiggles when I walk (and NOT in a good way). Everything feels confining. I feel trapped.
Ricki Lake – Half My SizeRicki Lake used to weight 260 pounds. She conquered her weight issues and went from a size 24 to a size 2.
http://www.bittenandbound.com/2007/12/06/ricki-lake-half-my-size/
http://ifitandhealthy.com/ricki-lake-weight-loss-and-workout/
until tomorrow,
Two
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Day seven...one whole week!
OK, here is my day (Sunday 1/17/10) - Two issues have come up since my last posting that I realize are barriers in losing weight:
1) Insomnia: comes with the fybromyalgia territory. But when I am up like I was last night (until 4:30 am) I end up eating. I didn't really have a full-on binge...mostly things like rice cakes, LF crackers, one pc of candy....I can't remember all of it. I had taken some lunesta (and then some more) so, it is a bit fuzzy. But I do remember thinking: "well, I am going over my cal limit for the day, but it is not too bad to do it with 20 mini rice cakes and some melba toast"
2) Irritability (more aptly: MAJOR bitchiness!). One of the reasons I think that some of us eat too many simple carbs is (DUH!) it makes us feel good! Meaning that maybe we didn't feel so good in the first place. There has been some suggestion that low carb diets lead to depression (see this article for an example). Now, I am NOT on a low carb diet, but cutting my calories means cutting my carb consumption drastically.
However, I have also struggled with depression most of my life; and whenever I diet, it is worse - whether I am on meds or not. Sure, we all get a little grumpy when we can't have what we want. But I am talking about being so irritable that I am afraid I might attack someone who looks at me wrong in the grocery store!
There are ups and downs. But the past few days have been rough. I am on celexa, but have added some 5HTP supplements to my routine. Hopefully, that will help a little. I guess the point is that fat, and weight loss are complex issues. Those of us going through it know it is much more than about will power. Hell, you want to see someone who needs will power? Try running into friends who, the last time they saw you, you weight 100# less than you do now. Takes all my will power to not say "oh, I am sorry, you must be mistaking me for someone else"!
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (240)
-snack of crackers, laughing cow cheese, and veggies (195)
-honey wheat berry bread (160)
-ham (70)
-melba rounds (50)
-LC cheese (35)
-big salad w/ light dressing & almonds (abt 150)
-lean cuisine sesame chicken (320)
-rice krispie treat (90)
-fudgescicle (40)
-FF tapioca (80)
-rice cakes (100)
-Coc Krispie cereal and milk (270)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...1800
workout:
heavy housework
Water:
none
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
Here's a good one...did not have a great childhood, and food was a huge, dysfunctional issue in my family. When I was tween, I used to have to walk past a grocery store on the way home. A few of us girls would go in there every day and pack our backpacks with candy bars, cookies, and other fattening snacks, and I mean pack them!
We weren't able to pay for these, so part of the thrill was doing something wrong. Then we would meet outside the store and gorge ourselves on the stuff before we went home. I remember that so vividly, and remember that I used to eat SO MUCH of that crap. Probably more than the other girls. I didn't think about my weight. I was NOT fat, but I already thought I was, so I had already given up.
until tomorrow,
Two
1) Insomnia: comes with the fybromyalgia territory. But when I am up like I was last night (until 4:30 am) I end up eating. I didn't really have a full-on binge...mostly things like rice cakes, LF crackers, one pc of candy....I can't remember all of it. I had taken some lunesta (and then some more) so, it is a bit fuzzy. But I do remember thinking: "well, I am going over my cal limit for the day, but it is not too bad to do it with 20 mini rice cakes and some melba toast"
2) Irritability (more aptly: MAJOR bitchiness!). One of the reasons I think that some of us eat too many simple carbs is (DUH!) it makes us feel good! Meaning that maybe we didn't feel so good in the first place. There has been some suggestion that low carb diets lead to depression (see this article for an example). Now, I am NOT on a low carb diet, but cutting my calories means cutting my carb consumption drastically.
However, I have also struggled with depression most of my life; and whenever I diet, it is worse - whether I am on meds or not. Sure, we all get a little grumpy when we can't have what we want. But I am talking about being so irritable that I am afraid I might attack someone who looks at me wrong in the grocery store!
There are ups and downs. But the past few days have been rough. I am on celexa, but have added some 5HTP supplements to my routine. Hopefully, that will help a little. I guess the point is that fat, and weight loss are complex issues. Those of us going through it know it is much more than about will power. Hell, you want to see someone who needs will power? Try running into friends who, the last time they saw you, you weight 100# less than you do now. Takes all my will power to not say "oh, I am sorry, you must be mistaking me for someone else"!
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (240)
-snack of crackers, laughing cow cheese, and veggies (195)
-honey wheat berry bread (160)
-ham (70)
-melba rounds (50)
-LC cheese (35)
-big salad w/ light dressing & almonds (abt 150)
-lean cuisine sesame chicken (320)
-rice krispie treat (90)
-fudgescicle (40)
-FF tapioca (80)
-rice cakes (100)
-Coc Krispie cereal and milk (270)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...1800
Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day
If I eat 500 calories less is than that, it is: 2079...
Which is what I need to try for each day.
Which is what I need to try for each day.
workout:
heavy housework
Water:
none
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
Here's a good one...did not have a great childhood, and food was a huge, dysfunctional issue in my family. When I was tween, I used to have to walk past a grocery store on the way home. A few of us girls would go in there every day and pack our backpacks with candy bars, cookies, and other fattening snacks, and I mean pack them!
We weren't able to pay for these, so part of the thrill was doing something wrong. Then we would meet outside the store and gorge ourselves on the stuff before we went home. I remember that so vividly, and remember that I used to eat SO MUCH of that crap. Probably more than the other girls. I didn't think about my weight. I was NOT fat, but I already thought I was, so I had already given up.
until tomorrow,
Two
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