So, I figured out that I have kind of maxed out the weight I am going to lose from dieting alone and it is time to start working out again. I have been hesitant because I have been in a lot of pain...but, the only way I am going to get out of so me of the pain is to lose the weight. Such irony! So, today I had a couple hours because the baby had a visit with her mom, so I came home and jumped on the elliptical machine. I could only manage 11 1/2 minutes, but it is better than nothing! And I sure worked up a sweat & got my heart beating. So, that is good.
I have been struggling lately with eating. So tired & bored of the LC food I was eating...I have been slipping and eating some higher carb stuff. But, I have been paying for it too. Last week my blood sugar shot up to the 240s! I just can't be doing that. I really want to avoid going on insulin as long as possible...if not forever! So, one of the best ways to keep BS down is...you got it, exercise!
Showing posts with label dieting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dieting. Show all posts
Monday, August 16, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
day sixteen - why it's working!!! And, playlist, as promised
My day (Tuesday 1/26/10) -Well, it's all a journey. But I am trying to figure out why, after all the many many years of dieting, trying to eat right, etc, that this time, it is finally clicking. Craving are almost non-existent most of the time. I am doing good at staying under my cal req for the day. I haven't been able to stay on a diet for more than a week in probably 10 years. Workouts could be more, but trying not to push that too hard right now due to health reasons.
I think part of it was something Tyler said on his blog (and for the life of me I cannot find it now). But, he talked about "fad" diets and slowly changing how you eat. That you can't maintain a loss if you can't maintain the diet. If you lose a bunch of weight on the carrot soup diet, how are you going to keep it off? Eat carrot soup for the rest of your life? No, you have to take the way you would eat and work with that. Now, why it took a man half my age to get through to me on that after I have been to diet clinics, counselors, nutritionists, etc I don't know. But, heck, when the student is ready the teacher will appear.
Reducing the amount of what I normally eat, tweaking it a little (low-fat/low calorie versions), and slowly adding healthy foods in at the same time seems to work. One change I made is I have a big salad every night with dinner. I mean a BIG one! I also eat fruit at least once a day (usually at the 3:00 slump time). I have been on plenty of diets where I quit eating "bad stuff" cold turkey (pun intended!) and the older I get, the harder it is. Impossible, in fact.
That being said, something I have always struggled with is cooking on a consistent basis. I am sporadic about it normally and we do eat prepared foods regularly. I just cannot cook an organic, vegetarian dinner every night! I just wont keep it up! So, lean cuisines (and the like) have worked for me. My husband and I eat them and a large salad at night (after we have our Full Bar supplement). It seems to work. I know that frozen diet dinners are not the most nutritious things, but they are portion controlled and the big salad give us some fresh, healthy food as well.
And, finally, I have to say that blogging has played a HUGE role in all this as well. I LOVE IT! People who follow me must say "DAMN, she posts every day!" But that is what is takes for me. It seems to work where nothing else has (WW weigh-ins, Jenny Craig check-ins, food logs for the nutritionist, online support groups, etc etc). So I am going to keep posting (and reading the blogs I follow, which is now about 10). Hopefully, it will be helpful to someone. And, I promise to title my posts better from now on, rather that just "day xxx" :-)
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
Mini Goal: more water!
Mini Goal: take my thyroid meds more regularly!
Food:
-bowl of HN cheerios cereal & milk (275)
-Quaker oats bkfst bar (175)
-crackers, LC cheese (95)
-lg orange (86) - it has been a very "snacky" morning
-LC sandwich (330)
-lg banana (120)
-crackers, LC cheese (95)
-Full bar (150)
-big salad with light dressing & almonds (200)
-LC meal (220)
-skinny cow ice cream sandwich (150)
-100 cal bag of popcorn (100)
total diet cokes today: 1.5
Calories:...1996 (a little bit over, but still under 500 deficit. The snacky morning got me...one 120 calorie banana too many for the day!)
Note on diet cokes: OK, I have been doing good at keeping them to 2 a day. Yesterday I went up to three and woke up today feeling like crap! Coincidence?
workout:
No workout today (unless you count carrying around a 20# baby most of the day!) I will probably do some crunches tonight.
Yesterday I said I would post my current playlist, so here it is (the starred songs are ones I almost always shuffle to during a workout, when I need an extra umph):
My MP3 player list is VERY eclectic. I have Elvis, Harry Connick Jr, Eminem, Al Greene, George Michael, Garth Brooks, Indie Arie, Meat Loaf, The Monkeys, Tone Loc, James Brown....just to name a few. So, my workout list is pretty eclectic as well ;-)
Water:
ended up with 60 oz for the day!!!! {Angi, aren't you proud? :D}
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
I think the pictures yesterday are enough "confession" for me for a day or two. Can't get into anything right now.
I think part of it was something Tyler said on his blog (and for the life of me I cannot find it now). But, he talked about "fad" diets and slowly changing how you eat. That you can't maintain a loss if you can't maintain the diet. If you lose a bunch of weight on the carrot soup diet, how are you going to keep it off? Eat carrot soup for the rest of your life? No, you have to take the way you would eat and work with that. Now, why it took a man half my age to get through to me on that after I have been to diet clinics, counselors, nutritionists, etc I don't know. But, heck, when the student is ready the teacher will appear.
Reducing the amount of what I normally eat, tweaking it a little (low-fat/low calorie versions), and slowly adding healthy foods in at the same time seems to work. One change I made is I have a big salad every night with dinner. I mean a BIG one! I also eat fruit at least once a day (usually at the 3:00 slump time). I have been on plenty of diets where I quit eating "bad stuff" cold turkey (pun intended!) and the older I get, the harder it is. Impossible, in fact.
That being said, something I have always struggled with is cooking on a consistent basis. I am sporadic about it normally and we do eat prepared foods regularly. I just cannot cook an organic, vegetarian dinner every night! I just wont keep it up! So, lean cuisines (and the like) have worked for me. My husband and I eat them and a large salad at night (after we have our Full Bar supplement). It seems to work. I know that frozen diet dinners are not the most nutritious things, but they are portion controlled and the big salad give us some fresh, healthy food as well.
And, finally, I have to say that blogging has played a HUGE role in all this as well. I LOVE IT! People who follow me must say "DAMN, she posts every day!" But that is what is takes for me. It seems to work where nothing else has (WW weigh-ins, Jenny Craig check-ins, food logs for the nutritionist, online support groups, etc etc). So I am going to keep posting (and reading the blogs I follow, which is now about 10). Hopefully, it will be helpful to someone. And, I promise to title my posts better from now on, rather that just "day xxx" :-)
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
Mini Goal: more water!
Mini Goal: take my thyroid meds more regularly!
Food:
-bowl of HN cheerios cereal & milk (275)
-Quaker oats bkfst bar (175)
-crackers, LC cheese (95)
-lg orange (86) - it has been a very "snacky" morning
-LC sandwich (330)
-lg banana (120)
-crackers, LC cheese (95)
-Full bar (150)
-big salad with light dressing & almonds (200)
-LC meal (220)
-skinny cow ice cream sandwich (150)
-100 cal bag of popcorn (100)
total diet cokes today: 1.5
Calories:...1996 (a little bit over, but still under 500 deficit. The snacky morning got me...one 120 calorie banana too many for the day!)
Note on diet cokes: OK, I have been doing good at keeping them to 2 a day. Yesterday I went up to three and woke up today feeling like crap! Coincidence?
Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day
500 calorie deficit: 2079
700 calorie deficit: 1879 (means "goal" ~10 months sooner!)
700 calorie deficit: 1879 (means "goal" ~10 months sooner!)
workout:
No workout today (unless you count carrying around a 20# baby most of the day!) I will probably do some crunches tonight.
Yesterday I said I would post my current playlist, so here it is (the starred songs are ones I almost always shuffle to during a workout, when I need an extra umph):
The Way You Move – Outkast
Ironic –Alanis Morissette
Bring Me Some Water – Melissa Ethridge
Lose Yourself – Eminem **
Superman – Eminem
I Would Die For You – Prince
Bitch - Alanis Morissette
My Humps – Black Eye Peas **
You Oughtta Know - Alanis Morissette **
Shake That – Eminem
I Will Survive – Aretha Franklin
Back In The Saddle Again – Aerosmith
Wild Thing – Sam Kennison
Dude Looks Like A Lady – Aerosmith
Walk This Way – Aerosmith
Mustang Sally – Grand Funk Railroad
Love Is A Battlefield – Pat Benetar & Queen Latifa (Remix)
Suck My Kiss – Red Hot Chili Peppers
‘Till I Collapse –Eminem & Nate Dogg
Bombs Over
Super Bitch – Christina Aguilera
The New Workout Plan – Kanye West
We Are The Champions – Queen
Pour Some Sugar On Me – Def Leppard
Booty – Erykah Badu
Fat Bottomed Girls – Queen
Pump It – Black Eyed Peas
My MP3 player list is VERY eclectic. I have Elvis, Harry Connick Jr, Eminem, Al Greene, George Michael, Garth Brooks, Indie Arie, Meat Loaf, The Monkeys, Tone Loc, James Brown....just to name a few. So, my workout list is pretty eclectic as well ;-)
Water:
ended up with 60 oz for the day!!!! {Angi, aren't you proud? :D}
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
I think the pictures yesterday are enough "confession" for me for a day or two. Can't get into anything right now.
Friday, January 22, 2010
day twelve - A New Discovery: Full Bars
OK, here is my day (Friday 1/22/10) - OK, starting with a clean slate today. Yesterday got progressively worse. But, instead of it being an excuse to just say "screw it!" I am just letting it go & heading into today.
So, tried something new today: Both my husband and I had a full bar before dinner. Both of us have a hard time with nighttime eating. And, I have to say, it worked pretty good. I ate dinner 3 hours ago and I still feel very full! My husband didn't even finish his dinner (which is a miracle!). I was skeptical, but they work pretty good. Now that I can buy then at the store (for about $1.50 rather than from an infomercial) I think I might try them out.
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of cereal & milk (275)
-bagel (plain) (300) - those darn bagels! grrrr
-lots o' chicken (baked) 1 thigh & 3 wings (553)
-RK treat (180)
-bar (100)
-full bar (100)
-Chicken (baked) (153)
-big salad w/ light dressing (180)
-brussel sprouts (100)
-lg orange (86)
total diet cokes today: 2
Calories:...2027
Damn good day, I say!
workout:
None. fought off a migraine after the drive today. But will work out tomorrow for sure.
Water:
12 oz (working on it!) I am going to drink more right now! :)
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
Hmmmm....what to write today? I guess I can talk about sweet/salty binges. One of the cravings I have is for sweets. But after a while, it gets to much. But if I eat something salty, I can then go back to eating sweets. I seem to need to continue to eat them even after my body is telling me: "blech! Enough sweets already!" - Some how the salty/savory foods enable me to eat even more sweets.
until tomorrow,
Two
So, tried something new today: Both my husband and I had a full bar before dinner. Both of us have a hard time with nighttime eating. And, I have to say, it worked pretty good. I ate dinner 3 hours ago and I still feel very full! My husband didn't even finish his dinner (which is a miracle!). I was skeptical, but they work pretty good. Now that I can buy then at the store (for about $1.50 rather than from an infomercial) I think I might try them out.
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of cereal & milk (275)
-bagel (plain) (300) - those darn bagels! grrrr
-lots o' chicken (baked) 1 thigh & 3 wings (553)
-RK treat (180)
-bar (100)
-full bar (100)
-Chicken (baked) (153)
-big salad w/ light dressing (180)
-brussel sprouts (100)
-lg orange (86)
total diet cokes today: 2
Calories:...2027
Damn good day, I say!
Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day
If I eat 500 calories less is than that, it is: 2079...
Which is what I need to try for each day.
Which is what I need to try for each day.
workout:
None. fought off a migraine after the drive today. But will work out tomorrow for sure.
Water:
12 oz (working on it!) I am going to drink more right now! :)
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
Hmmmm....what to write today? I guess I can talk about sweet/salty binges. One of the cravings I have is for sweets. But after a while, it gets to much. But if I eat something salty, I can then go back to eating sweets. I seem to need to continue to eat them even after my body is telling me: "blech! Enough sweets already!" - Some how the salty/savory foods enable me to eat even more sweets.
until tomorrow,
Two
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
day ten
OK, here is my day (Wednesday 1/20/10) -
I had a realization today: I DON'T have to give into every craving I have! Believe it or not, that is a revelation for me. I have been having really tough sweet craving. The salty/crunchy cravings I can deal with with some of the low cal stuff I have gotten. The sweet, that is another story. So, I started buying gums & mints to see what might help as a distraction from that.
What seems to help me the most are these mints called: Ice Breakers Sours
For some reason, one (yeah, one!) of these can distract me from the sweet craving until it passes. One piece is less than 5 cal and there are about 50 pieces in one pack.
Also, got up early this morning and was hungry...so, instead of the whole bowl of cereal, I ended up eating ONE rice krispie treat (only 90 cal). Satisfied the need for carbs/sugar & was able to stop with that.
So, two new products I will keep on hand.
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of cereal & milk (290)
-melba toast & LC cheese (85)
-honey wheat berry bread (160)
-ham (70)
-LC cheese (35)
-NF pudding (60)
-wheat thins "chips" (180)
-puff corn (180)
-lg orange (86)
-spec K cereal (240)
-Lean Cuisine meal (320)
-big salad (180)
-LF popcorn (150)
total diet cokes today: 2
Calories:...2037
workout:
1:15pm SO>...now the question is (now that the baby is finally asleep & everyone is out of the house): Do I nap, or workout!?? I know I should workout...I could really use time to lay down as well. Maybe a workout, then a nap? :)
Later: worked out for a little bit on the elliptical and did some crunches but the baby woke up & I didn't get as much done as I should....never got a nap either!
Water:
If I don't start filling this out soon, you are going to start doubting my commitment to my goals. So, I need to get busy in this area!!!
Vitamin water (20oz)
Working on this right now
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
none for today...no time. gotta get to bed!
until tomorrow,
Two
I had a realization today: I DON'T have to give into every craving I have! Believe it or not, that is a revelation for me. I have been having really tough sweet craving. The salty/crunchy cravings I can deal with with some of the low cal stuff I have gotten. The sweet, that is another story. So, I started buying gums & mints to see what might help as a distraction from that.
What seems to help me the most are these mints called: Ice Breakers Sours
For some reason, one (yeah, one!) of these can distract me from the sweet craving until it passes. One piece is less than 5 cal and there are about 50 pieces in one pack.
Also, got up early this morning and was hungry...so, instead of the whole bowl of cereal, I ended up eating ONE rice krispie treat (only 90 cal). Satisfied the need for carbs/sugar & was able to stop with that.
So, two new products I will keep on hand.
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of cereal & milk (290)
-melba toast & LC cheese (85)
-honey wheat berry bread (160)
-ham (70)
-LC cheese (35)
-NF pudding (60)
-wheat thins "chips" (180)
-puff corn (180)
-lg orange (86)
-spec K cereal (240)
-Lean Cuisine meal (320)
-big salad (180)
-LF popcorn (150)
total diet cokes today: 2
Calories:...2037
Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day
If I eat 500 calories less is than that, it is: 2079...
Which is what I need to try for each day.
Which is what I need to try for each day.
workout:
1:15pm SO>...now the question is (now that the baby is finally asleep & everyone is out of the house): Do I nap, or workout!?? I know I should workout...I could really use time to lay down as well. Maybe a workout, then a nap? :)
Later: worked out for a little bit on the elliptical and did some crunches but the baby woke up & I didn't get as much done as I should....never got a nap either!
Water:
If I don't start filling this out soon, you are going to start doubting my commitment to my goals. So, I need to get busy in this area!!!
Vitamin water (20oz)
Working on this right now
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
none for today...no time. gotta get to bed!
until tomorrow,
Two
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
day nine
OK, here is my day (Tuesday 1/19/10) - very tired today. Hard to get moving! Was up last night with some minor insomnia. Working (at home, since that is where I work) because I am POOR this month. So, it is motivation to get a lot done!
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (240)
-wheat thin flatbread w/laughing cow cheese (285)
-honey wheat berry bread (160)
-ham (70)
-Luna cookie (140)
-big salad (180)
-LC pizza (320)
-lg orange (86)
-spec K & milk (300)
-banana (105)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...1886 (getting easier!)
workout:
I did not work out today :-(
Water:
Some vitamin water
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
Not sure if this is a confession or not....but if I don't lose weight in my breasts with all this, I think I will need a breast reduction! I am so tired of them. They spill out of the 42DD bras I have. My back & neck hurt all the time. I have permanent inch deep divots in my shoulders from my bra straps. It is hard to move around with these things! ugh!
until tomorrow,
Two
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (240)
-wheat thin flatbread w/laughing cow cheese (285)
-honey wheat berry bread (160)
-ham (70)
-Luna cookie (140)
-big salad (180)
-LC pizza (320)
-lg orange (86)
-spec K & milk (300)
-banana (105)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...1886 (getting easier!)
Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day
If I eat 500 calories less is than that, it is: 2079...
Which is what I need to try for each day.
Which is what I need to try for each day.
workout:
I did not work out today :-(
Water:
Some vitamin water
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
Not sure if this is a confession or not....but if I don't lose weight in my breasts with all this, I think I will need a breast reduction! I am so tired of them. They spill out of the 42DD bras I have. My back & neck hurt all the time. I have permanent inch deep divots in my shoulders from my bra straps. It is hard to move around with these things! ugh!
until tomorrow,
Two
Monday, January 18, 2010
Day eight
OK, here is my day (Monday 1/18/10) - So, one thing I think I need to do is break this snacking habit. Right now, I have just changed to low-cal snacks, but I am still grazing. I don't think it is good because I am going to get tired of those low cal snacks pretty soon!
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (240)
-honey wheat berry bread (160)
-~1T butter (100) OUCH!
-LC cantelloni (240)
-rice krispie treat (90)
-wheat thin flatbread w/laughing cow cheese (190)
-mini rice cakes (140)
-CK cereal (260) ---need to get some more oranges at least so I stop this late afternoon snack. This is getting me back into old habits.
-Lean Cuisine meal (320)
-fudgescicles (80)
-melba toast (75)
-other snacks (290)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...2185
UPDATE: A little over today...having a slight problem with insomnia tonight. Hopefully, cals will stay where they are. Going to do my best to get a workout in the AM. Most of the kids will be in school, and I should be able to.
workout:
worked up quite a sweat doing housework for several hours this morning...then I crashed and had lots of pain. I didn't want to risk a full-on flare, so no machine today.
Water:
vitamin water
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
OK, here is a good one! Couldn't sleep again tonight until 1:30am. I was so desperate for something sweet to eat that I ate the VERY stale candy corn I found on top of the fridge. Have you ever eaten stale candy corn? I am lucky they didn't break my teeth. With all that I ate tonight (candy corn and a butter "sandwich"), I probably need to add 500 calories to my daily total.
But, here is a story of a women who lost 132#
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=4924602&page=1
until tomorrow,
Two
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (240)
-honey wheat berry bread (160)
-~1T butter (100) OUCH!
-LC cantelloni (240)
-rice krispie treat (90)
-wheat thin flatbread w/laughing cow cheese (190)
-mini rice cakes (140)
-CK cereal (260) ---need to get some more oranges at least so I stop this late afternoon snack. This is getting me back into old habits.
-Lean Cuisine meal (320)
-fudgescicles (80)
-melba toast (75)
-other snacks (290)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...2185
UPDATE: A little over today...having a slight problem with insomnia tonight. Hopefully, cals will stay where they are. Going to do my best to get a workout in the AM. Most of the kids will be in school, and I should be able to.
Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day
If I eat 500 calories less is than that, it is: 2079...
Which is what I need to try for each day.
Which is what I need to try for each day.
workout:
worked up quite a sweat doing housework for several hours this morning...then I crashed and had lots of pain. I didn't want to risk a full-on flare, so no machine today.
Water:
vitamin water
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
OK, here is a good one! Couldn't sleep again tonight until 1:30am. I was so desperate for something sweet to eat that I ate the VERY stale candy corn I found on top of the fridge. Have you ever eaten stale candy corn? I am lucky they didn't break my teeth. With all that I ate tonight (candy corn and a butter "sandwich"), I probably need to add 500 calories to my daily total.
But, here is a story of a women who lost 132#
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=4924602&page=1
until tomorrow,
Two
****WEIGH-IN WEEK ONE****
last week: 260
today: 256.5
Result: -3.5#
YA!!!!!
Not the most dramatic first week I have had on a "diet" but pretty good considering I am picking my own food and for the first half of the week I was above my calorie limits.
today: 256.5
Result: -3.5#
YA!!!!!
Not the most dramatic first week I have had on a "diet" but pretty good considering I am picking my own food and for the first half of the week I was above my calorie limits.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Day seven...one whole week!
OK, here is my day (Sunday 1/17/10) - Two issues have come up since my last posting that I realize are barriers in losing weight:
1) Insomnia: comes with the fybromyalgia territory. But when I am up like I was last night (until 4:30 am) I end up eating. I didn't really have a full-on binge...mostly things like rice cakes, LF crackers, one pc of candy....I can't remember all of it. I had taken some lunesta (and then some more) so, it is a bit fuzzy. But I do remember thinking: "well, I am going over my cal limit for the day, but it is not too bad to do it with 20 mini rice cakes and some melba toast"
2) Irritability (more aptly: MAJOR bitchiness!). One of the reasons I think that some of us eat too many simple carbs is (DUH!) it makes us feel good! Meaning that maybe we didn't feel so good in the first place. There has been some suggestion that low carb diets lead to depression (see this article for an example). Now, I am NOT on a low carb diet, but cutting my calories means cutting my carb consumption drastically.
However, I have also struggled with depression most of my life; and whenever I diet, it is worse - whether I am on meds or not. Sure, we all get a little grumpy when we can't have what we want. But I am talking about being so irritable that I am afraid I might attack someone who looks at me wrong in the grocery store!
There are ups and downs. But the past few days have been rough. I am on celexa, but have added some 5HTP supplements to my routine. Hopefully, that will help a little. I guess the point is that fat, and weight loss are complex issues. Those of us going through it know it is much more than about will power. Hell, you want to see someone who needs will power? Try running into friends who, the last time they saw you, you weight 100# less than you do now. Takes all my will power to not say "oh, I am sorry, you must be mistaking me for someone else"!
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (240)
-snack of crackers, laughing cow cheese, and veggies (195)
-honey wheat berry bread (160)
-ham (70)
-melba rounds (50)
-LC cheese (35)
-big salad w/ light dressing & almonds (abt 150)
-lean cuisine sesame chicken (320)
-rice krispie treat (90)
-fudgescicle (40)
-FF tapioca (80)
-rice cakes (100)
-Coc Krispie cereal and milk (270)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...1800
workout:
heavy housework
Water:
none
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
Here's a good one...did not have a great childhood, and food was a huge, dysfunctional issue in my family. When I was tween, I used to have to walk past a grocery store on the way home. A few of us girls would go in there every day and pack our backpacks with candy bars, cookies, and other fattening snacks, and I mean pack them!
We weren't able to pay for these, so part of the thrill was doing something wrong. Then we would meet outside the store and gorge ourselves on the stuff before we went home. I remember that so vividly, and remember that I used to eat SO MUCH of that crap. Probably more than the other girls. I didn't think about my weight. I was NOT fat, but I already thought I was, so I had already given up.
until tomorrow,
Two
1) Insomnia: comes with the fybromyalgia territory. But when I am up like I was last night (until 4:30 am) I end up eating. I didn't really have a full-on binge...mostly things like rice cakes, LF crackers, one pc of candy....I can't remember all of it. I had taken some lunesta (and then some more) so, it is a bit fuzzy. But I do remember thinking: "well, I am going over my cal limit for the day, but it is not too bad to do it with 20 mini rice cakes and some melba toast"
2) Irritability (more aptly: MAJOR bitchiness!). One of the reasons I think that some of us eat too many simple carbs is (DUH!) it makes us feel good! Meaning that maybe we didn't feel so good in the first place. There has been some suggestion that low carb diets lead to depression (see this article for an example). Now, I am NOT on a low carb diet, but cutting my calories means cutting my carb consumption drastically.
However, I have also struggled with depression most of my life; and whenever I diet, it is worse - whether I am on meds or not. Sure, we all get a little grumpy when we can't have what we want. But I am talking about being so irritable that I am afraid I might attack someone who looks at me wrong in the grocery store!
There are ups and downs. But the past few days have been rough. I am on celexa, but have added some 5HTP supplements to my routine. Hopefully, that will help a little. I guess the point is that fat, and weight loss are complex issues. Those of us going through it know it is much more than about will power. Hell, you want to see someone who needs will power? Try running into friends who, the last time they saw you, you weight 100# less than you do now. Takes all my will power to not say "oh, I am sorry, you must be mistaking me for someone else"!
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (240)
-snack of crackers, laughing cow cheese, and veggies (195)
-honey wheat berry bread (160)
-ham (70)
-melba rounds (50)
-LC cheese (35)
-big salad w/ light dressing & almonds (abt 150)
-lean cuisine sesame chicken (320)
-rice krispie treat (90)
-fudgescicle (40)
-FF tapioca (80)
-rice cakes (100)
-Coc Krispie cereal and milk (270)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...1800
Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day
If I eat 500 calories less is than that, it is: 2079...
Which is what I need to try for each day.
Which is what I need to try for each day.
workout:
heavy housework
Water:
none
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
Here's a good one...did not have a great childhood, and food was a huge, dysfunctional issue in my family. When I was tween, I used to have to walk past a grocery store on the way home. A few of us girls would go in there every day and pack our backpacks with candy bars, cookies, and other fattening snacks, and I mean pack them!
We weren't able to pay for these, so part of the thrill was doing something wrong. Then we would meet outside the store and gorge ourselves on the stuff before we went home. I remember that so vividly, and remember that I used to eat SO MUCH of that crap. Probably more than the other girls. I didn't think about my weight. I was NOT fat, but I already thought I was, so I had already given up.
until tomorrow,
Two
Saturday, January 16, 2010
day six
OK, here is my day (Saturday 1/16/10) - NO middle of the night eating last night! No Salad today. I still might get one in tonight. But, kind of nice to take a break from it one day. Didn't have too much of an appetite today (fighting off a cold). Also didn't work out. Did some shopping, some housework, but certainly nothing aerobic! However, good news: My husband fixed my elliptical machine...no more squeaks!!! Yay!
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (240)
-Daves Killer bread, (2) toasted w/cream cheese (260+100)
-half sandwich from store deli (est 300)
-2 rice krispie treat (180)
-YUMMY Taco Soup recipe from a friend (est 650)
-serving of cheese "puff corn" (180)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...1910 (pretty good!)
workout:
none
Water:
none
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
OK, here is a hard one...and a TMI one too: When I stand up straight, I can feel the rolls of fat on my back touching each other!
Kind of like this ---->
But worse! I hate it. This is something new, in the past year or so that I have experienced. It is a constant reminder!
ICK!!!!!
until tomorrow,
Two
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (240)
-Daves Killer bread, (2) toasted w/cream cheese (260+100)
-half sandwich from store deli (est 300)
-2 rice krispie treat (180)
-YUMMY Taco Soup recipe from a friend (est 650)
-serving of cheese "puff corn" (180)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...1910 (pretty good!)
Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day
If I eat 500 calories less is than that, it is: 2079...
Which is what I need to try for each day.
Which is what I need to try for each day.
workout:
none
Water:
none
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
OK, here is a hard one...and a TMI one too: When I stand up straight, I can feel the rolls of fat on my back touching each other!
Kind of like this ---->
But worse! I hate it. This is something new, in the past year or so that I have experienced. It is a constant reminder!
ICK!!!!!
until tomorrow,
Two
Friday, January 15, 2010
Day five
OK, here is my day (Friday 1/15/10) - NO middle of the night eating last night! However, today was tough. One of my weakest times is when I am tired & haven't had enough sleep. I tend to eat to make up for feeling like I can't get the rest I need. I guess it makes sense, in a way (taking care of myself by feeding myself when I can't rest when I need to) but I need LOTS of sleep, and most often can't get it with the baby and the other kids. So, there ends up being lots of those times and I get fat. Mostly, because during those times all I want are simple carbs (when I probably should be eating protein). So, that is why there is that big, caloric bagel in the middle of my day!
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (240)
-nutrigrain bar (140)
-KFC grilled 2 pc meal (w/ biscuit :-/ ) (585)
-large bagel (364!!!)
-big salad w/ regular dressing, little wonton crisps & almonds (abt 350)
-lg orange (86)
-melba toast (100)
-Frosted Flakes (160)
-rice krispie treat (90)
-4 tator tots (75)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...2190 ( I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! Even with all that "grazing" and snacking, I didn't do that bad)
workout:
None, as I expected. I was just too beat from the drive and visit today. Fibromyalgia just sucks!
Water:
Again, none. It doesn't seem like I am working on this very well, does it?
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
Can't think of anything to write here tonight. Will do better tomorrow :-)
until tomorrow,
Two
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Mini Goal: more water!
Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (240)
-nutrigrain bar (140)
-KFC grilled 2 pc meal (w/ biscuit :-/ ) (585)
-large bagel (364!!!)
-big salad w/ regular dressing, little wonton crisps & almonds (abt 350)
-lg orange (86)
-melba toast (100)
-Frosted Flakes (160)
-rice krispie treat (90)
-4 tator tots (75)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...2190 ( I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! Even with all that "grazing" and snacking, I didn't do that bad)
Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day
If I eat 500 calories less is than that, it is: 2079...
Which is what I need to try for each day.
Which is what I need to try for each day.
workout:
None, as I expected. I was just too beat from the drive and visit today. Fibromyalgia just sucks!
Water:
Again, none. It doesn't seem like I am working on this very well, does it?
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
Can't think of anything to write here tonight. Will do better tomorrow :-)
until tomorrow,
Two
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Day two
OK, here is my day (Tuesday 1/12/10) - I have been running around half the day. Had to go about an hour down south and do errands/appts in another town. I didn't get back home until 1:00. Then had to pick up kids at 3:00 and start the evening routine. So, not much "me" time today!
However, I have started to think about goals, and set one for myself today: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (plus the one I had in the middle of the night...see below) at least 240
-two whopper Jrs, no mayo (Nope, no fries) (520 cal)
-snapple dragonfruit vitamin water (130 cal)
-nutrigrain bar, strawberry (140)
-cheddar mini ricecakes (100)
-lg orange (90)
-Daves Killer bread, toasted w/cream cheese (260+100)
-sm rice crispie treat (153)
-big salad w/ light dressing & almonds (abt 150)
-lean cuisine veggie pizza (ok, not great) (320)
-mini rice cakes (80)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories: 2283
UPDATE: 1am. Having lots of problems with nausea. That happens when I eat less...I usually end up eating (mostly carbs) to make it go away. I don't tolerate the feeling well. I know that it probably has something to do with my GERD, and losing weight will lessen that. Wow, vicious circle, eh?
So, I did eat a bagel before "bed" which wasn't really bed since the baby is having a hard time getting to sleep and I have been up with her (she just went to bed -XX- fingers crossed!). But, now I am still stuck with eating or not. Can I sleep with the nausea there? Is it just an excuse to eat something more?
So, after feeling so guilty and trying to figure out if I was eating too much, I decided to go to the Basal Metabolic Rate Calculator and see what I should be eating and figure out the calories above...
workout:
didn't end up working out today. I think it would have been pushing it for me, with the drive and all today. I ended up having to do a lot of work tonight and my husband was late getting home. But, MUST workout tomorrow...no excuses!
Water:
well, again, need to work on this. Had one vitamin water...and some melted ice in my diet coke at BK :-/
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
I was disappointed in myself today. I am still doing middle-of-the-night eating - usually cereal. Sometimes I am hungry, but sometimes not. I have developed with habit of getting up and eating cereal (some kiddie crap too, not all bran or anything like that, but you probably guessed that). I did get up sometime in the night last night & have a bowl of cereal. But, after lunch, I seriously wanted a candy bar & did not buy one. So, not perfection, but better...
until tomorrow,
Two
However, I have started to think about goals, and set one for myself today: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1............
Food:
-bowl of Life cereal & milk (plus the one I had in the middle of the night...see below) at least 240
-two whopper Jrs, no mayo (Nope, no fries) (520 cal)
-snapple dragonfruit vitamin water (130 cal)
-nutrigrain bar, strawberry (140)
-cheddar mini ricecakes (100)
-lg orange (90)
-Daves Killer bread, toasted w/cream cheese (260+100)
-sm rice crispie treat (153)
-big salad w/ light dressing & almonds (abt 150)
-lean cuisine veggie pizza (ok, not great) (320)
-mini rice cakes (80)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories: 2283
UPDATE: 1am. Having lots of problems with nausea. That happens when I eat less...I usually end up eating (mostly carbs) to make it go away. I don't tolerate the feeling well. I know that it probably has something to do with my GERD, and losing weight will lessen that. Wow, vicious circle, eh?
So, I did eat a bagel before "bed" which wasn't really bed since the baby is having a hard time getting to sleep and I have been up with her (she just went to bed -XX- fingers crossed!). But, now I am still stuck with eating or not. Can I sleep with the nausea there? Is it just an excuse to eat something more?
So, after feeling so guilty and trying to figure out if I was eating too much, I decided to go to the Basal Metabolic Rate Calculator and see what I should be eating and figure out the calories above...
Your Daily Calorie Requirements Are: 2,579 Calories Per Day
With my caloric intake of 2283 today, the bagel at 288, puts me right at the top of that number. So, no deficit today. I guess today is a wash.workout:
didn't end up working out today. I think it would have been pushing it for me, with the drive and all today. I ended up having to do a lot of work tonight and my husband was late getting home. But, MUST workout tomorrow...no excuses!
Water:
well, again, need to work on this. Had one vitamin water...and some melted ice in my diet coke at BK :-/
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
I was disappointed in myself today. I am still doing middle-of-the-night eating - usually cereal. Sometimes I am hungry, but sometimes not. I have developed with habit of getting up and eating cereal (some kiddie crap too, not all bran or anything like that, but you probably guessed that). I did get up sometime in the night last night & have a bowl of cereal. But, after lunch, I seriously wanted a candy bar & did not buy one. So, not perfection, but better...
until tomorrow,
Two
Monday, January 11, 2010
Day one
OK, here is my day (monday 1/11/10)...and I am going to try to publish some pics in either this post or the next.
weight 260#
I guess I should do some measurements soon!
Food:
-TWO diet cokes before 10 (ugh!)
-1c grape nuts w/ 2t sugar & 1/2 c milk
-1 lg bagel with 2T LF strawberry CC (I am really hungry between bfst & lunch...I usually eat a large snack around 10)
-FF tapioca pudding
-15 cheddar mini rices cakes
-lg orange
-UGH, another diet coke!
-nutrigrain bar, strawberry (I have started keeping these in the car so I eat them when I am hungry rather than a drive-thru burger)
-big salad with light dressing & slivered almonds
-lean cuisine (sesame chicken)
WOW, that seems like a lot (and it is less than I probably normally eat). I haven't started counting calories yet - one step at a time - but I wonder how many calories it is?!
UPDATE: about 8pm: cravings are getting really bad. I could totally eat a whole batch of chocolate chip cookies (home baked, of course). Had a visit with my eldest daughter today and that is always stressful & makes me want to eat! But so far I have not!
UPDATE: 9:30pm...ok, let's add yet another diet coke and a couple more handfuls of rice cakes. I guess the day has been OK, but not perfect.
workout:
OK, proud of myself today because 1) I did NOT take a nap, but jumped on the elliptical machine. And, while it might not seem like much time to most people, I worked out the longest I have been able to since I got the thing a couple mos ago...And, I almost got all the way around the "circle."
I have to try really hard to not compare what I can do now to what I used to be able to do for a workout. Because I used to workout a lot. I did circuit training for 30 min and treadmill or elliptical machine for about 45 min. So 10 minutes seems like nothing compared to that. But it is a lot more than I have been able to do recently. So, it's a start!
....well, actually, I did end up taking a nap. But that was after I worked out. Post exercise fatigue is part of fibromyalgia. and I had it today.
Water:
well, none, unless you count a bottle of 10 cal vitamin water.
This is an area I need to work on!
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
I have been hiding food for a while so my husband did not see I was eating whole boxes of twinkies or whole packages of oreos. I would hide them in my car or in the garage.
weight 260#
I guess I should do some measurements soon!
Food:
-TWO diet cokes before 10 (ugh!)
-1c grape nuts w/ 2t sugar & 1/2 c milk
-1 lg bagel with 2T LF strawberry CC (I am really hungry between bfst & lunch...I usually eat a large snack around 10)
-FF tapioca pudding
-15 cheddar mini rices cakes
-lg orange
-UGH, another diet coke!
-nutrigrain bar, strawberry (I have started keeping these in the car so I eat them when I am hungry rather than a drive-thru burger)
-big salad with light dressing & slivered almonds
-lean cuisine (sesame chicken)
WOW, that seems like a lot (and it is less than I probably normally eat). I haven't started counting calories yet - one step at a time - but I wonder how many calories it is?!
UPDATE: about 8pm: cravings are getting really bad. I could totally eat a whole batch of chocolate chip cookies (home baked, of course). Had a visit with my eldest daughter today and that is always stressful & makes me want to eat! But so far I have not!
UPDATE: 9:30pm...ok, let's add yet another diet coke and a couple more handfuls of rice cakes. I guess the day has been OK, but not perfect.
workout:
OK, proud of myself today because 1) I did NOT take a nap, but jumped on the elliptical machine. And, while it might not seem like much time to most people, I worked out the longest I have been able to since I got the thing a couple mos ago...And, I almost got all the way around the "circle."
I have to try really hard to not compare what I can do now to what I used to be able to do for a workout. Because I used to workout a lot. I did circuit training for 30 min and treadmill or elliptical machine for about 45 min. So 10 minutes seems like nothing compared to that. But it is a lot more than I have been able to do recently. So, it's a start!
....well, actually, I did end up taking a nap. But that was after I worked out. Post exercise fatigue is part of fibromyalgia. and I had it today.
Water:
well, none, unless you count a bottle of 10 cal vitamin water.
This is an area I need to work on!
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
I have been hiding food for a while so my husband did not see I was eating whole boxes of twinkies or whole packages of oreos. I would hide them in my car or in the garage.
The First Post...
OK, so I started this anonymous blog so I could address all these food & weight issues that are so shameful, and maybe be rid of them!
I am 46 years old, I weight 260#, and I am addicted to food. It is my entertainment, it is my therapist, and sometimes my only companion. Diets and me DO NOT mix. I have been on more than I can count. My insurance company has told me they will not cover a gastric bypass, under any circumstances. And, if I had $10,000, I would use it to pay off bills and fix up the house. I could never afford to pay for that on my own.
So, let's see...food is a big problem in my family (both sides). All the women are either terribly overweight or serious compulsive dieters. I always thought I was fat as a kid. Now I look at pictures now & think I was thin as a rail...but I always seemed to wear a larger size than my friends. I ended up with the Italian build that is part of my heritage. So, I always had hips and a but. But, I mostly hated my thighs (still do!). Until my last couple (huge) babies, I did have a flat stomach most of my life. Now it is so big I look pregnant all the time.
I never really liked exercise. I had this exercise induced asthma (which, I guess is a way of saying you are just out of shape), and I could not breathe during aerobic activity, even when I was young and "thin." For a short time in my 30s I really started to get into exercise. I was running and I loved it. I got down to a size 8! But family stressors got in the way of me taking that time for myself to exercise and it just went downhill from there.
There is a post I wrote a few years ago on another blog that might explain a little as to how I got here. It is kind of angry, but that is how I was feeling then:
Fat
Yeah, I'm fat…
You see me and that is what you think, right?
So, how fat am I?
Not really fat on the scale (HA) of fat
About 200 (OK, 210).
A size 18; give or take.
But to most people that is F-A-T, fat!
So, all you see when you see me is my fat face, my fat thighs, my fat ass…
And my lack of self-control
Which is what got me here, right?
Well, maybe that is part of it.
I will admit.
But, there is a lot you don't know about me.
But I don't ever have a chance to tell you how I got here, or make you listen to the story.
I don't get to tell you that I have five kids (no, I am not a "welfare mom").
I can't tell you that the last baby weighed over 11 pounds!
…but you'd probably say that was my fault.
OK.
Do you know that I had 5 abdominal surgeries in the span of 4 years?
Did you know I went through 4 pregnancies in the same period of time?
And two of those were losses?
Do you know that I have suffered from bouts of major depression most of my life?
And did you know that most anti-depressants cause major weight gain?
…something drug companies don't really like to make public.
Did you know that I spend most of my time caring for two very young disabled children?
You live my life and try staying a freaking size 6!
If it makes you feel any better, I used to be thin…
There was a time
In my 20s
That I had bulimia.
I was never "skinny"
Oh, but I was NOT fat!
I hated my body then, so much.
I still do.
But now I have a reason to.
So don't worry
I hate my body a thousand times more than you ever could.
-------------------------
Since I wrote that post I gained 50#. I WISH I could get into those 18s! My pants are 20s or 22s my shirts are at least 3X...4X if they are cotton (e.g., prone to shrinking).
I have a serious Diet Coke addiction. And, it does not help with weight loss. I love white cake, white bread, bagels, rolls, white rice, baked potatoes with sour cream...anything white, starchy, and with lots of carbs! I tried a low-carb diet once for a few weeks. I was miserable and in pain (ketosis was doing a number on my kidneys). The Dr told me to not go on those kind of diets. Thank goodness!
I liked Susan Powter's eating plan, and was on that for a while...but she has changed it quite a bit now. I lost LOTS of weight on the 6 Week Body Makeover Diet...I gained: gallstones, hair loss, and eventually, all the weight back! I have tried Jenny Craig (yuck), Weight Watchers (OY! points!), and a bunch of other fad diets.
OK, that is just a few of the diets. Why do I need to lose weight? Contrary to popular belief about fat people: my blood work is fine. My cholesterol is SO low (LDL is 76) that I think my Dr thinks I have someone else do my blood work. My BP is consistently low (90/60 range), and my glucose has never been elevated other than during my last pregnancy.
However, I have LOTS of health problems aggravated by weight: the biggy is fibromyalgia (sometimes crippling fatigue and pain). I have terrible GERD, stress incontinence (which is oh so fun), hypothyroidism, and insomnia. Lots of joint problems, especially in my knees and ankles. My Achilles are just shot.
I know that these will improve, if not disappear altogether, if I lose weight. I am tired of not being able to keep up with my kids or not having any clothes (or only having the option of buying UGLY clothes!) My husband loves me, a lot, but I don't think he is attracted to me any longer. He is understanding since he has a weight problem of his own, but I know that I would be a better wife, mother, and just a happier person if I were not burdened by this weight.
So this is my "transparent," so-to-speak, place to come clean with all this. I will try my best to write in this blog everyday. Write what I eat, if I got on that damn ellipitcal machine and worked out or not, whether I binged and why. I plan on really posting my feelings and the reality of fat and weight loss, so don't be surprised by it. Also, I curse. Just a warning. If you are really offended by it, I will warn you right now, I will curse some.
Hopefully, someone will join me in this journey, if not...this is just an online journal, I guess.
I am 46 years old, I weight 260#, and I am addicted to food. It is my entertainment, it is my therapist, and sometimes my only companion. Diets and me DO NOT mix. I have been on more than I can count. My insurance company has told me they will not cover a gastric bypass, under any circumstances. And, if I had $10,000, I would use it to pay off bills and fix up the house. I could never afford to pay for that on my own.
So, let's see...food is a big problem in my family (both sides). All the women are either terribly overweight or serious compulsive dieters. I always thought I was fat as a kid. Now I look at pictures now & think I was thin as a rail...but I always seemed to wear a larger size than my friends. I ended up with the Italian build that is part of my heritage. So, I always had hips and a but. But, I mostly hated my thighs (still do!). Until my last couple (huge) babies, I did have a flat stomach most of my life. Now it is so big I look pregnant all the time.
I never really liked exercise. I had this exercise induced asthma (which, I guess is a way of saying you are just out of shape), and I could not breathe during aerobic activity, even when I was young and "thin." For a short time in my 30s I really started to get into exercise. I was running and I loved it. I got down to a size 8! But family stressors got in the way of me taking that time for myself to exercise and it just went downhill from there.
There is a post I wrote a few years ago on another blog that might explain a little as to how I got here. It is kind of angry, but that is how I was feeling then:
Fat
Yeah, I'm fat…
You see me and that is what you think, right?
So, how fat am I?
Not really fat on the scale (HA) of fat
About 200 (OK, 210).
A size 18; give or take.
But to most people that is F-A-T, fat!
So, all you see when you see me is my fat face, my fat thighs, my fat ass…
And my lack of self-control
Which is what got me here, right?
Well, maybe that is part of it.
I will admit.
But, there is a lot you don't know about me.
But I don't ever have a chance to tell you how I got here, or make you listen to the story.
I don't get to tell you that I have five kids (no, I am not a "welfare mom").
I can't tell you that the last baby weighed over 11 pounds!
…but you'd probably say that was my fault.
OK.
Do you know that I had 5 abdominal surgeries in the span of 4 years?
Did you know I went through 4 pregnancies in the same period of time?
And two of those were losses?
Do you know that I have suffered from bouts of major depression most of my life?
And did you know that most anti-depressants cause major weight gain?
…something drug companies don't really like to make public.
Did you know that I spend most of my time caring for two very young disabled children?
You live my life and try staying a freaking size 6!
If it makes you feel any better, I used to be thin…
There was a time
In my 20s
That I had bulimia.
I was never "skinny"
Oh, but I was NOT fat!
I hated my body then, so much.
I still do.
But now I have a reason to.
So don't worry
I hate my body a thousand times more than you ever could.
-------------------------
Since I wrote that post I gained 50#. I WISH I could get into those 18s! My pants are 20s or 22s my shirts are at least 3X...4X if they are cotton (e.g., prone to shrinking).
I have a serious Diet Coke addiction. And, it does not help with weight loss. I love white cake, white bread, bagels, rolls, white rice, baked potatoes with sour cream...anything white, starchy, and with lots of carbs! I tried a low-carb diet once for a few weeks. I was miserable and in pain (ketosis was doing a number on my kidneys). The Dr told me to not go on those kind of diets. Thank goodness!
I liked Susan Powter's eating plan, and was on that for a while...but she has changed it quite a bit now. I lost LOTS of weight on the 6 Week Body Makeover Diet...I gained: gallstones, hair loss, and eventually, all the weight back! I have tried Jenny Craig (yuck), Weight Watchers (OY! points!), and a bunch of other fad diets.
OK, that is just a few of the diets. Why do I need to lose weight? Contrary to popular belief about fat people: my blood work is fine. My cholesterol is SO low (LDL is 76) that I think my Dr thinks I have someone else do my blood work. My BP is consistently low (90/60 range), and my glucose has never been elevated other than during my last pregnancy.
However, I have LOTS of health problems aggravated by weight: the biggy is fibromyalgia (sometimes crippling fatigue and pain). I have terrible GERD, stress incontinence (which is oh so fun), hypothyroidism, and insomnia. Lots of joint problems, especially in my knees and ankles. My Achilles are just shot.
I know that these will improve, if not disappear altogether, if I lose weight. I am tired of not being able to keep up with my kids or not having any clothes (or only having the option of buying UGLY clothes!) My husband loves me, a lot, but I don't think he is attracted to me any longer. He is understanding since he has a weight problem of his own, but I know that I would be a better wife, mother, and just a happier person if I were not burdened by this weight.
So this is my "transparent," so-to-speak, place to come clean with all this. I will try my best to write in this blog everyday. Write what I eat, if I got on that damn ellipitcal machine and worked out or not, whether I binged and why. I plan on really posting my feelings and the reality of fat and weight loss, so don't be surprised by it. Also, I curse. Just a warning. If you are really offended by it, I will warn you right now, I will curse some.
Hopefully, someone will join me in this journey, if not...this is just an online journal, I guess.
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