Disclaimer:
In case you haven't read my "about me" or my first few blog posts, this is a warning. I swear. If the "F-bomb" of the "S-bomb" or whatever bomb offends you, you probably should not read this. It is raw, real life :/
OK, for a while I let the accident get me down. I was injured pretty badly and in a lot of pain. I got mixed message from practitioners: don't lift/go back to normal; don't exercise/"oh, yes, by all means exercise," etc etc. So, being a person who would rather get dental work done (which I HATE) than exercise, I chose to not.
However, lately I have been feeling pretty good. Have energy. My back is doing great (I LOVE my chiropractor!) and I have been doing tons of yard work and gardening. We are setting up our yard (which has been neglected for years) and putting in our vegetable garden, something I haven't been able to get together for about 5 years or so.
HOWEVER, I have not lost any weight! Regardless of the level of exercise, giving up diet cokes totally for 8 weeks now (thank you very much), drinking TONS of water, getting enough sleep, etc etc. Still F-A-T!
My daughter got married last week. I didn't *feel* like the fattest person in the room. I guess I am in denial of my own size. But I was the HUGEST by a longshot! I looked like a C-O-W compared to everyone else of even "normal" size. My daughter is very thin, so I looked even bigger next to her.
My boobs are freaking huge! I finally got new bras that fit and support, but they are 42DDD! Holy shit! My shirts are still 3x-4x. Even where I live, where there are lots of fat people, I am F-A-T! Fatter than most.
Now, I know that there are people who are 400, 500, even 600 pounds. But hell, 265 (which is what I am now) is considered just fucking fat by most people!
And, losing weight? dieting? working out? Well, IT JUST SUCKS!!! I HATE IT! hate it, hate it, hate it! And, now I am MAD. I used to diet and work out so I looked *good*...sexy, pretty, hot, etc. Now, I am old with skin stretched out and blood vessels broken. I now need to diet & work out so I am not the biggest FREAK in the room. That is just not good motivation! I will never be hot and sexy again without at least 100K in plastic surgery and skin treatments (and even then? who knows?).
So, I am pissed that I have to do this...but I have to. Even if I kick and scream the whole way.
So, I guess I am back...if I even have any followers any more. It doesn't matter either way. I am doing it for me. For what's left of "me."
Two
Showing posts with label car accident. Show all posts
Showing posts with label car accident. Show all posts
Monday, May 10, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Slow loss but still losing....
So, since the accident, I have not been able to workout. And, apparently, I can only handle one thing at a time, because with all the running around to doctors, etc, I have not done one food log. I am trying to keep eating similar to before, but know I am not staying under 1800 calories. However, in the last two weeks I did lose a pound. That is pretty good for not working out (and not drinking water like I should).
Of course the baby has picked this time to start standing and crawling....but it is adorable! :) The kids are all keeping me busy. I am trying not to lift or overdo things - which is pretty hard with the life I have been living. Just because I am injured in the accident doesn't mean all these things don't need to get done! Totally slacked off on housework (something I couldn't afford to do with the shape of the house before!). Also, due to the drowsiness from pain meds, I have slept or laid down when tired rather than continuing to go go go. And, I have found I eat less when I do that. I know that I eat when I am tired & run-down. Quick energy foods (carbs, sugar, etc). But, if I just rest (like my body is telling me to) then I don't eat as much....though that is often easier said than done!
My car is STILL not fixed. Dealing with insurance companies, attorneys, and all sorts of crap. I am starting to get over the resentment of the accident and getting to a place of acceptance. I am in pain less with treatment, but still in pain. Have a great chiropractor and massage therapist. My husband has been great & does all he can, but he also works about 60 hours a week and isn't home a lot (though he did take a week off work right afterward to help me and drive me around).
So, I need to start posting here more, again. I got my laptop back online and have it set up in the living room....so I have no excuse now!!
Best,
Two
Of course the baby has picked this time to start standing and crawling....but it is adorable! :) The kids are all keeping me busy. I am trying not to lift or overdo things - which is pretty hard with the life I have been living. Just because I am injured in the accident doesn't mean all these things don't need to get done! Totally slacked off on housework (something I couldn't afford to do with the shape of the house before!). Also, due to the drowsiness from pain meds, I have slept or laid down when tired rather than continuing to go go go. And, I have found I eat less when I do that. I know that I eat when I am tired & run-down. Quick energy foods (carbs, sugar, etc). But, if I just rest (like my body is telling me to) then I don't eat as much....though that is often easier said than done!
My car is STILL not fixed. Dealing with insurance companies, attorneys, and all sorts of crap. I am starting to get over the resentment of the accident and getting to a place of acceptance. I am in pain less with treatment, but still in pain. Have a great chiropractor and massage therapist. My husband has been great & does all he can, but he also works about 60 hours a week and isn't home a lot (though he did take a week off work right afterward to help me and drive me around).
So, I need to start posting here more, again. I got my laptop back online and have it set up in the living room....so I have no excuse now!!
Best,
Two
Sunday, February 7, 2010
day 28 - Time to start blogging again!!
My day (Sunday 2/7/10) -
OK, time for me to sit and try to write some. I still have lots of pain & stiffness. It is going to be a long road to recovery. However, I need to get blogging again!
I wanna new bar....
Ok, I have been looking for a decent bar that isn't too high in calories, but will also fill me up at the 10:00 snack time. So, I found something that I used to eat a lot in college: Heart
Thrive bars. They are SUPER healthy and only 161 calories a serving, over 6 grams of protein, 257 mg of calcium, whole grain, nonGMO, vegan, and they are wheat & dairy free.
Apricot is my favorite but there area lots of flavors. You thought be able to find them at a health food store near you.
Other than that, I have been surviving. Being in constant pain for 5 days is something I am sort of used to with fibromyalgia. But this back/neck pain is quite icky! Dealing with the insurance companies, trying to get my car fixed, not run out of pain pills, going to Dr after Dr, and still trying to keep my life going....well, that is a challenge to say the least!
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
**NEW** Mini Goal: STAY OFF THE SCALE UNTIL WEIGH-IN DAY!
Mini Goal: take my thyroid meds more regularly!
Food:
-bowl of HN cheerios cereal & milk (275)
-heart thrive bar (161)
-lean cuisine (330)
-RK treat (90)
-bar (100)
-crackers, LC cheese, tomato (105)
-Full bites (150)
-big salad with light dressing & almonds (180)
-LC meal (330)
-skinny cow ice cream (150)
total diet cokes today: 4!
Calories:...1871
700 calorie deficit: 1879 (means "goal" ~10 months sooner!)
workout:
None until OK'ed by Dr :-(
Water:
not much. Ok, I justify this by saying it is hard for me to move, so getting up every 10 minutes to pee is not acceptable. Can you buy that one?
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
I have had my share of health problems, but damn! I really should have appreciated the ability to do things for myself, drive myself, pick things up, etc etc when I could. I feel so helpless now. The pain really sucks too.
Until tomorrow,
Two
OK, time for me to sit and try to write some. I still have lots of pain & stiffness. It is going to be a long road to recovery. However, I need to get blogging again!
I wanna new bar....
Ok, I have been looking for a decent bar that isn't too high in calories, but will also fill me up at the 10:00 snack time. So, I found something that I used to eat a lot in college: Heart
Thrive bars. They are SUPER healthy and only 161 calories a serving, over 6 grams of protein, 257 mg of calcium, whole grain, nonGMO, vegan, and they are wheat & dairy free.INGREDIENTS
OATS, UNSULFURED APRICOTS, BROWN RICE SYRUP, BROWN RICE FLOUR, SOY PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, SOY FLOUR, INULIN (CHICORY ROOT EXTRACT), RICE BRAN, NATURAL FRUIT JUICE, DRIED PLUMS, DRIED APPLES, DRIED PEARS, ORANGE PEEL, CALCIUM CITRATE, ALMOND EXTRACT.
Apricot is my favorite but there area lots of flavors. You thought be able to find them at a health food store near you.Other than that, I have been surviving. Being in constant pain for 5 days is something I am sort of used to with fibromyalgia. But this back/neck pain is quite icky! Dealing with the insurance companies, trying to get my car fixed, not run out of pain pills, going to Dr after Dr, and still trying to keep my life going....well, that is a challenge to say the least!
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
**NEW** Mini Goal: STAY OFF THE SCALE UNTIL WEIGH-IN DAY!
Mini Goal: take my thyroid meds more regularly!
Food:
-bowl of HN cheerios cereal & milk (275)
-heart thrive bar (161)
-lean cuisine (330)
-RK treat (90)
-bar (100)
-crackers, LC cheese, tomato (105)
-Full bites (150)
-big salad with light dressing & almonds (180)
-LC meal (330)
-skinny cow ice cream (150)
total diet cokes today: 4!
Calories:...1871
Daily Calorie Requirements: 2,579
500 calorie deficit: 2079700 calorie deficit: 1879 (means "goal" ~10 months sooner!)
workout:
None until OK'ed by Dr :-(
Water:
not much. Ok, I justify this by saying it is hard for me to move, so getting up every 10 minutes to pee is not acceptable. Can you buy that one?
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
I have had my share of health problems, but damn! I really should have appreciated the ability to do things for myself, drive myself, pick things up, etc etc when I could. I feel so helpless now. The pain really sucks too.
Until tomorrow,
Two
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Day 24 - PAIN!
My day (Wednesday 2/3/10) -
Man, thank goodness for pain pills & heating pads! I wish I had some muscle relaxers. I see the Chiropractor tomorrow, so maybe that will help (or he will give me better meds!). Saw the attorney today, things are moving forward. not going to write much today. It hurts to sit @ the computer :-(
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
**NEW** Mini Goal: STAY OFF THE SCALE UNTIL WEIGH-IN DAY!
Mini Goal: take my thyroid meds more regularly!
Food:
-bowl of HN cheerios cereal & milk (275)
-Luna Cookie (130)
-Sandwich (250)
-RK treat (90)
Spec K bars (100)
-crackers, LC cheese, tomato (105)
-Full bites (150)
-big salad with light dressing & almonds (180)
-LC meal (330)
-skinny cow ice cream (150)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...1760
700 calorie deficit: 1879 (means "goal" ~10 months sooner!)
workout:
none, per Drs orders
Water:
30oz
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
none.
Until tomorrow,
Two
Man, thank goodness for pain pills & heating pads! I wish I had some muscle relaxers. I see the Chiropractor tomorrow, so maybe that will help (or he will give me better meds!). Saw the attorney today, things are moving forward. not going to write much today. It hurts to sit @ the computer :-(
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
**NEW** Mini Goal: STAY OFF THE SCALE UNTIL WEIGH-IN DAY!
Mini Goal: take my thyroid meds more regularly!
Food:
-bowl of HN cheerios cereal & milk (275)
-Luna Cookie (130)
-Sandwich (250)
-RK treat (90)
Spec K bars (100)
-crackers, LC cheese, tomato (105)
-Full bites (150)
-big salad with light dressing & almonds (180)
-LC meal (330)
-skinny cow ice cream (150)
total diet cokes today: 3
Calories:...1760
Daily Calorie Requirements: 2,579
500 calorie deficit: 2079700 calorie deficit: 1879 (means "goal" ~10 months sooner!)
workout:
none, per Drs orders
Water:
30oz
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
none.
Until tomorrow,
Two
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Day 23 - life can change in an instant!
My day (Tuesday 2/2/10) -
Wow, things can change in an instant. This is a short post tonight since I am all doped up on vicodan and a little loopy. Today, as I was picking up the kids from school, I was stopped to turn into a parking space when someone rear-ended me going about 35mph. A teenager. The front end of her car was mostly totaled. My car, the wonderful Subaru, just got a wonky bumper. But I got whiplash. Holy cow! Spent the rest of the afternoon in urgent care with Xrays and such. Trying to figure out what to do next.
This has changed my whole week. Most appointments are canceled now, my husband took the rest of the week off (because I am not supposed to lift over 5#). I can't workout. And, apparently, I will be even more sore tomorrow than I am tonight! Oh Boy!
However, as good of an excuse as it was to just go get drive thru fast food for dinner, I did not. I ate my lean cuisine. I didnt have a salad like I normally do and had a couple more 100 calories bars than I should have, but heck, I think I did pretty well. I am still right around where I should be for calories.
Hopefully, I will be up to writing more tomorrow. But, I wanted to write and say that I will NOT use this as an excuse to overeat, go off my eating plan, etc.
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
**NEW** Mini Goal: STAY OFF THE SCALE UNTIL WEIGH-IN DAY!
Mini Goal: take my thyroid meds more regularly!
Food:
-no food journal today. But about right on with calories.
total diet cokes today: 2
Calories:...
700 calorie deficit: 1879 (means "goal" ~10 months sooner!)
workout:
lots of walking in the AM
Water:
20oz
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
none.
Until tomorrow,
Two
Wow, things can change in an instant. This is a short post tonight since I am all doped up on vicodan and a little loopy. Today, as I was picking up the kids from school, I was stopped to turn into a parking space when someone rear-ended me going about 35mph. A teenager. The front end of her car was mostly totaled. My car, the wonderful Subaru, just got a wonky bumper. But I got whiplash. Holy cow! Spent the rest of the afternoon in urgent care with Xrays and such. Trying to figure out what to do next.
This has changed my whole week. Most appointments are canceled now, my husband took the rest of the week off (because I am not supposed to lift over 5#). I can't workout. And, apparently, I will be even more sore tomorrow than I am tonight! Oh Boy!
However, as good of an excuse as it was to just go get drive thru fast food for dinner, I did not. I ate my lean cuisine. I didnt have a salad like I normally do and had a couple more 100 calories bars than I should have, but heck, I think I did pretty well. I am still right around where I should be for calories.
Hopefully, I will be up to writing more tomorrow. But, I wanted to write and say that I will NOT use this as an excuse to overeat, go off my eating plan, etc.
Ultimate goal: HALF MY SIZE BY Sept 2012
Working goal: to fit back into those size 18 pants by May 1
**NEW** Mini Goal: STAY OFF THE SCALE UNTIL WEIGH-IN DAY!
Mini Goal: take my thyroid meds more regularly!
Food:
-no food journal today. But about right on with calories.
total diet cokes today: 2
Calories:...
Daily Calorie Requirements: 2,579
500 calorie deficit: 2079700 calorie deficit: 1879 (means "goal" ~10 months sooner!)
workout:
lots of walking in the AM
Water:
20oz
Confession of the day: (good for the soul, no?)
none.
Until tomorrow,
Two
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)